Friday, 24 April 2009

Oh well

Here we go again - yet another missed miscarriage. Not that unsurprising given the slow progress at the last one but still a big blow.


I have now hit that 3 m/c jackpot for referral to the recurrent miscarriage unit - oh joy. I know I said we were done but I am going to take the referral anyway as I want to know as much as I can as to why this keeps happening. I know that at the most likely reason is the elderly eggs but still given I already have an auto-immune disease (lupus) its possible that there could be something testable going on.


So yesterday morning was spent at super calming full of ancient Greek pots private scan place - 2 scans to confirm the blindingly obvious to everyone from the first 30 seconds - little growth and no heartbeat is a pretty big clue. Followed by super expensive delicious banana, cardamon and chocolate muffin and a flat white in glamour cafe to ease the pain. Walk in the sun through central London to the EPU at massive teaching hospital to be scanned again and then given the "options". I can't face expectant management so the ERPC under local will be on Tuesday next week. Now I just have to try and organise the genetic testing which for obscure reasons isn't standard and getting my APS status checked before the procedure. I usually test negative for APS but occasionally positive and I just want to rule it out for this one.

I do find it so very very frustrating that for most of my thirties my body refused to get it together so that A could meet B and create C when the eggs were in order without huge amounts of money and drugs and then works it out for my 40s when only dodgy eggs are left. Oh and that my body is still behaving to all intents and purposes as if I was still pregnant.

Anyway there we are. Thank you all so much for your support. I am going to use the weekend to work out how to put photos on and regale you with traditional British seaside bucket and spade shots. At least the holiday - which was lovely - was not ruined by this hideous process.

16 comments:

Almamay said...

Betty,
I'm so sorry. (((hug)))

This is very sad news. I don't know what else to say except that I am keeping you in my thoughts. x

Molly said...

Oh. I'm so sorry to hear this.

I'm glad you're being kind to yourself. Muffins help. :)

-PiquantMolly

nutsinmay said...

Oh no. No no no. I am so so sorry. I will be thinking of you, all weekend, and on Tuesday, and so on.

I remember being so utterly outraged and miserabled by the wait for my ERPC last year. My heart goes out to so very very much, having to go through all this AGAIN.

So sorry. (((((hugs)))))

Aunt Becky said...

Oh no! I'm so, so sorry. Betty, my heart is so heavy. Crap. Sending you love and Valium and Vodka (not together tho. Or if you do put them together, don't tell anyone I suggested it).

Geohde said...

Oh I am so sorry....

How terribly sad for you, and plain old hard. Also unfair.

Take care,

xx

g

MsPrufrock said...

Oh Betty, I'm sorry. I've always hated how protracted the whole miscarriage thing is. It takes forever to just get on with things.

Take it easy this weekend, and I trust you'll remain faithful to your promise of holiday photos!

Artblog said...

FUCK! so unfair. I'm so sorry Betty, I know its hard, Ive had a missed miscarriage too :(

You sound chirpy enough, considering, if you want to chat email me, k, artblog06@gmail.com.

xxxx HUGS

Thalia said...

Ah bollocks, Betty, this really is horrible news. I am sorry.

Cassandra said...

Here from LFCA...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Eat as many expensive exotic muffins as you want.

Annie said...

I am so sorry (((hug)))

Cara said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. The injustice of it is too much.

thinking of you - and your sweet baby...

Elizabeth said...

I am so sorry about your loss.

sharah said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you.

Eva said...

As you know I have just been here. In fact I am STILL there as my hCG refuses to zero out and I have to get more bloodwork.

Anyway I'm so sorry to hear about this. That totally blows. Very unfair. Blech. Very sorry.

May I suggest Kahlua and chocolate soymilk? That really helped after my recent missed miscarriage. And eating unhealthily.

How are things going now?

Kymberli said...

Oh, Betty. I came over to thank you for the support that you've shown to me and I wasn't expecting to find this. I'm so, so sorry to read that this has happened. My heart is heavy for you. (((hugs)))

Portia P said...

Just checked in.

I'm SO sorry. This stinks. I know the glam scan place and i'm sure being there surrounded by expectant women couldn't have helped.

The cakes in that area are super good, but no compensation.

Sending you a huge hug and wishing I could do more xx